how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
