so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
