She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
