nut hugger
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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