He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
