i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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