Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
