I wish I could punch you in the face.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
