Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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