I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
