dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
