I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
