I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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