toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
