I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
