I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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