the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
