I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
