so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
