i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
