carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
