take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
