I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
