Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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