jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
