I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
