She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
