Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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