i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
