Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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