I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize