I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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