i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
