dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
