she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So here I am, sexting at work.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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