p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize