My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
