I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
