420 ftw
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
