I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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