I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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