I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
