1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it glows. i had to have it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
