i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have fence marks all over my body
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize