Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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