you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
