I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
