I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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