I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
