Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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