Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
