How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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