Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have post one night stand depression
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