i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
