Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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