YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im six kinds of drunk right now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
