The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
