This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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