do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Alive.
So much puke
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
