My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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