why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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