Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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