If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
