So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize