If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
