it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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