I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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