Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
