i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
