he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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