Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
