So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
