my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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