a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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