i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
