Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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