I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
