So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
