I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
