I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
