wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
