Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
