i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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