Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
