So drunk its hurt
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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