If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
