nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
