I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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