matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate all girls vehemently.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
