biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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