Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
