New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
