she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize