I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
