How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
