Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
