I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
