think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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