All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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