the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
