loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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