Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
