I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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